Tee Vee

We have a snow day, a snow day, a snow day. Alas! There isn't any snow. Just the THREAT of snow. Only in Tennessee is this possible. Well, and possibly in Misery-sippi.

Hey! Television stations! If you need to save some money, then fire your weather departments. I could really live without their tap-dancing, cheerleading, tarot reading routine every time a dark cloud aligns itself over the state. Just a 20 second blurb showing the daily & 5 day forecast. A la "local-on-the-8's" style on the weather channel.

I know this may come as a shock to some of you in the television industry but times are changing. audible gasping here. Your industry may need to look past the boomers and turn towards the next generation. The local newscast has had the same format since, oh, I don't know, 1950. Opening remarks, national news bits/ politics, commercial. Deaths/ Robberies/ local child abduction, tease of upcoming weather, commercial. Weather, dancing, dancing, dancing, jokes with the anchor, commercial. Finally, local stories that, if lucky, have some connection to national news story (resident had a 3rd cousin who narrowly missed Christmas Day/Detroit flight), tease to watch at 10... commercial.

YAWN. No wonder people go to the internet for news.

The Resolution-ists

Why is it that I'm shocked at the amount of people at the Y at the beginning of the year? I get that everyone is gung-ho to better themselves. I get it. Two years ago, I was one of these people. Plan A: waking at 4:30 (!!) so I could get there first thing, work out, come home wake the kids and begin my day. My thought was if I do it first, then nothing will prevent me from going later. Okay, that didn't last long... since, I don't remember driving to the Y that early and I nearly ran over a "boot camper" one dark morning. Plan B: I started going after dropping everyone at school. Banning myself from going home first, because I would always get sucked into house work. So, I work out along with all the mommies and retirees.

Now that I've been at it a few years, I also get that there are some who wait until the "resolution-ists" give up sometime around Valentine's Day. My dad, who has been going to the Y for around 30 years, turned me on to the term "resolution-ists". Some veteran Y members prefer to wait out the crowded period between January 1st and Valentine's Day. Confident their perfectly honed muscles will not atrophy or sag during that 6 week period. I am not one of those people.

I am in entirely different group. I LOVE seeing new people at the Y! I secretly cheer on those people who are staring at the elliptical, like "What-the-hell-have-I-gotten-myself-into"?! I'm screaming inside for someone to ask me, "How do you work this machine?"

I have been sending positive energy/love to a woman resolutionist, who this past year began swimming. She was very large. And I've been there... so fat that I thought I needed surgery for my hips, knees and back. I've had that hot, sick, empty feeling in my stomach. Standing in that bathing suit determined that if this is all I can do because everything else I do hurts, then I was going to do it. Every day she came. She got in that pool and she stayed for 45 MINUTES. At first she just did flutter kicks the whole time. She gradually moved up to flutter kicks and back stroke. After a few weeks, she moved on to freestyle. Surely she wasn't aware that I was up in the workout area that overlooks the pool cheering her on. The other day, I saw her in the woman's only area doing circuit training. And I couldn't believe her progress!! I wanted to to confess my stealth cheerleading. Telling her, "You're a true inspiration." But, I didn't. I just smiled.

Two years ago, I was sitting on the couch crying and depressed. I was so tired of being fat. I remember asking Tom. "Should I go to therapy, again?" And he looked and knelt beside me and said, "I think you should spend that money you would spend on therapy and hire a personal trainer." I did. I made a $1000 investment in myself . I hired a personal trainer and joined LA Weight Loss. I felt so guilty about the money. But, Tom told me to keep telling myself, "You're worth it."

And if you are on that couch, crying and depressed... you're worth it, too.

FaceBook Kills the Blogger Star

Well, let's see.  It's been almost 3 months since I last wrote on this blog.   Just around the time that I discovered FaceBook.  Let me tell you.  FaceBook is AMAZING!  I have met up with so many old friends.   I have reconnected with a girl who lived across the street from me when I was in second grade.  I have bumped into little babies that I used to babysit (scary! one of them is a mother of four!)  I have found just about every member of my sorority when I was in college.  It's been fabulous!!

I have racked my brain for people I could have possibly known.   Some are not on FaceBook yet, some haven't included a picture so I don't know if it is the right person.  I have to admit that I have typed my fingers to the bone looking for EVERY friend that I might every have had...and I only have 98 friends.  Some of my friends have over 400.  And my teenage friends (who will not "friend" me but just reply to my messages) have even more than that!!

I see a lot of people that I remember out there, but am afraid they won't remember me.  So, I just overanalyze everything and hope that they "friend" me first.  Maybe I could be a 400 friend person if I would just say "Hi" to a few of them.  Novelty.  

Christmastime Rush

We are in full throttle Christmas mode. Rushing around to get last minute gifts, cooking the little snacks for classroom parties, reapplying all the ornaments to the Christmas tree that Madden removes, working out like a maniac to keep all the "BLTs" (bite, licks and tastes) from my hips, and on and on and on....

The good thing is, everything is just PRECIOUS! If I slow down for just a milli-second, I can feel Christmas like I did when I was a kid. While watching Hays on stage singing her songs about Santa, reindeer and snow, I could feel her butterflies. I remember being in 3rd grade walking on stage to sing a really snappy version of "Jingle Bells" (actually, I think it was a Barbara Streisand version, hmmm). New shoes, new dress, the rafters, bright lights...scary but fun. Just precious.

I remember my mom saying most of my life, "Christmas is for the children". I believe that somewhat. It is fun to watch Christmas through a child's eye. But, it's also fun to relive Christmas with your kids. Picking and choosing traditions from your childhood. Like opening a new pajamas on Christmas Eve tradition..stolen from my grandmother Suzy. And starting new ones, like making birdseed ornaments to hang outside for our bird friends.

I know the reason for the season is the birth of Jesus. But all the other stuff...family, being thankful and hope for a better year to come, are a good runners up.

39 Forever!

When I was younger, I thought no one "good" was born on my birthday. Every week before my birthday, I would look in the Sunday paper to see whose birthday was coming up and maybe, with a little bit of luck, they may mention someone on Nov. 29. I only remember Howie Mandel being mentioned and in the '80s, he was more of an embarrassment than anything else. Oh, why couldn't I be born on the 25th like John-John, or the 27th like Bruce Lee or Caroline Kennedy. sigh. Athough, I was aware there were several "good" people who died on my birthday... Natalie Wood, Cary Grant. I found this out while listening to radio as I was getting ready for school.

So, I decided to Wikipedia my birth date to see if I recognized anyone worthwhile.

Hey!, November 29th is the 333rd day of the year. It feels like I'm off to a good start. It appears that November 29 has equally "good" live people as dead. Wiki tells me that on November 29 that Louisa May Alcott (1888) and her dad, Amos Bronson Alcott (1799) were born. Irish writer, CS Lewis (1898)..that's good, I guess. Several athletes I've never heard of, though I'm sure my dad may...he's a sports buff. Politicians I've heard of are Paul Simon (1928), Jacques Chirac (1932) and Janet Napolitano (1957)...two good Democrats and a questionable socialist. Theater and movie types like Diane Ladd (1932), Gary Shandling (1949), Joel Coehn!! cool (1954), Kim Delaney (1959), Cathy Moriarty (1960), Andrew "Pretty In Pink" McCarthy (1963), Don Cheadle, awesome! (1964), Ana Farris, luv her (1976)..1976, okay we can stop here.

Now, for those who died...Puccini (1924), Dorothy Day (1980), Natalie Wood (1981), Cary Grant (1986), George Harrison (2001) and John Drew Barrymore (2004). Whew! I thought it was a lot more than that.

Not bad. If I had to guess on any shared characteristics of my birthday compadres, it looks like we are all hams. Some, more than others.

American Girl Convert

While in Chicago, I discovered there was an American Girl store. I discovered this because the closer I got to it, the more American Girl red bags I saw. Then, we (my friend Deidre and I) knew we were close because we started seeing the dolls. So, we went in. I knew something about the American Girl dolls. Good message for young girls, historical, cute clothes, very Junior League. It was packed!! Apparently, people come from all over with their daughters so they can experience the American Girl culture. WOW!

Deidre and I spent about 20 minutes browsing around. Noted they are saying "Farewell" to Samantha, looked at some t-shirts for my girls and stumbled upon a "How to Style your Dolls Hair" DVD. I was going to buy the DVD, brush, comb and styling rods for my friends daughters because they were completely into American Girl. We walk up to check out, wait 5 mins and I say "I'm done." I'm not "in love" enough with my stuff to wait in line.

The next day, we tell our other friend, Michelle, she needs to go to American Girl because of the books they have about...well, girl stuff. Her daughter is a little older and is heavily into the mess of being a preteen girl. So, we trek it over. We look at the books and decide we could spend thousands of dollars. They go to look for the bathrooms and I consider buying the hair stuff again. My cell rings and Deidre says, "You gotta come upstairs..You haven't seen nothin' yet!" I wasn't even aware there was an upstairs. As I'm coming off the escalator..my conversion begins. This was where the matching doll and girl outfits were. Deidre says, "Oh, you need to come over here." I turn the corner and there is a doll village. A doll salon, a store where you can create t-shirts for your doll, a shop where you can get your doll's ears pierced, a doll hospital, a "sweet" shoppe in case your doll needs a treat...I'm a picture taking fool at this point. Then way in the back, we land into the American Girl Cafe. And I am a complete convert. I don't know if it was all the pink or just seeing all the little girls dressed up with their Mom's and Grandma's having tea...but I just lost it. "Why didn't they have stuff like this when I was little?!", I wail.

When we go back downstairs, I swear everything seemed brighter. I start picturing which doll I'll by for Hays and Madden. I start to study each doll trying to place my daughters' personality with a corresponding doll. I settle on Ruthie for Hays and Kit for Madden. I decide to get home and talk it over with Tom. I stand in line forever waiting to buy my doll hair products. While Michelle is buying books, I knock some girl out of the way so I can have my picture taken in front of the American Girl Star.

When I get home, I chase the girls around for days with the American Girl catalog. "Don't you think Ruthie is pretty Hays?" and "See, you and Ruthie have the same color hair." Nothing. I am so disappointed. I guess I will just have to take them to Chicago, Los Angeles or New York so they can go to an American Girl flagship store and become converts, too!

What is up with me & TJ Maxx?!

Some of you may remember my belt incident at TJ Maxx..others may have to look it up in my achieve. (People are really shee-ple). It seems every time I go into that store..I cause a raucous.

Today, I went in to buy this huge bear (bigger than me huge) for my "special reader" day with Hays' class. Of course, I had to go over the top. My theme was bears--we read "Going on a Bear Hunt" and "Blueberries for Sal", we ate blueberry muffins, fresh blueberries (I was amazed that a child in her class had never had a fresh blueberry and asked what it was...sigh.) and gummi bears for snack and the show stopper--my gigantic bear from TJ Maxx.

Anywho, I run into TJ Maxx thinking, "I'll just grab the bear, pay for it and rush to the school." I had to keep chanting to myself don't look at the clothes, don't look at the clothes. So, I'm buying the bear, and an employee comes up to ask the manager to break her $5 for some change. I'm lifting the bear off the counter and whack a sign falls from the ceiling and hits this poor lady on the head. I felt so bad for her. I told her that I much rather the sign fall on me than her and I am so sorry. I didn't even see the sign up there. She said, "I guess it's because I don't have any hair, because of the chemo." stab in the heart, stab in the heart. I give them my name and cell phone number for the accident report but explain I have to go to read at my daughter's class. I hope this woman will be okay, it was a very lightweight sign. And it looks like they hang those things from the ceiling with big magnets.

I think I should stop going to TJ Maxx, it seems like every time I go it's a production. I know Tom will be happy to hear of my self imposed TJ Maxx ban. I bet he's hoping some things will fall from the sky at Target now, as well.

Do You Ever Really KNOW Someone?

A little story about my little guys and the election. Tom and I felt like since this was a historic election we would use it for some educational gain. Our candidate since before Super Tuesday was Barack Obama. From then on, Jack was aggressively against us. "I want John McCain" and "John McCain" this and "John McCain" that. Well, we said what every level headed parent would say, "I hope you are ready to pay for your own college then". To this day, Jack is still saying he's voting for Palin in 2012. stomach cramp, stomach cramp.

Hays on the other hand was a little sponge. We'd point to the teevee and say, "Who's that Hays?" She'd say, "Barack A Mama". It became kind of a little trick that we'd show off to our friends. Then we would go to bed, pleased and happy.

On the Monday before the election, Hays's class had a mock election. I noticed her little "I Voted" sticker when I collected her after school. Proud that she is learning about how to vote, etc. Her little friend said, "Mom, I voted today!" He said he voted for Barack Obama and that 16 voted for McCain and 18 for Obama. So, beaming, I turn to Hays and say, "Who did you vote for Hays?" Long pause...."McCain". What?! I'm speechless. Thinking to myself, "Who are you?!" Me with my Obama buttons, stickers, yard signs..the countless times of pointing him out on the teevee. She says McCain. Looks like she's gonna have to hitch a ride with her brother to college. But, kids have a knack for doing the complete opposite of what their parents want...I just thought I had a few more years of brainwashing left.

McDonald's Monopoly Game is CRAP!!

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am at McDonald's every day. Heck, sometimes twice a day. It started with Hays. That girl loves her some french fries. And if she said "French fries" then we went...right that second. We did this because we wanted to positively reinforce her using her words. Unfortunately, Madden began to think we should go to McDonald's every day because this was our routine. UUUUGGGGHHHH! Let's just move past the obvious health concerns with the daily consumption of fries and nuggets (oh, an the occasional apple dipper), and focus on the monopoly game. Usually, I don't pay attention to this little scheme because I end up with little game pieces everywhere. But my dad pointed out that the odds were on our side. So, Tom and I began in earnest.

We went, as usual, to McDonald's getting our regular fare and collecting our game pieces. We would lay them out on our game board (good grief) but we were always missing the elusive "Boardwalk" for the million dollar prize. But we kept at it, RELIGOUSLY! Now it appears the game is over. No big announcement on McDonald's part, just the slow trickle of large cups without the game piece on it. May they all fry in their own tubs of grease and be forced to watch "Super Size Me" on a continuous loop!

I hate McDonald's...I long for the day that my kids will finally tire of their "food". I am, of course, assuming that my kids do have a limit to their fry addiction.

People are really Shee-ple

Now sit back and imagine you are going to TJMaxx to get a belt. Not a overly expensive belt. Just one that you had seen a few days earlier and thought, "Uuugghhh, there isn't a tag on it! And the line is very long...well, if it's still here on Monday, then I'll come back and get it."

So, after working out at the Y, sweaty and in full workout gear--tank top, jog skirt and tennis shoes, you go back to check on the belt. After digging around a sec, you find it. Still paired with the other similar belt you were going to use for the bar code. You grab both of them, and make a lap to see if you can find anything else. What the heck, you get a little something for the hubby. Just to make absolutely sure, you decide to go look in the belts to see if there isn't a match. There is not. You ask the worker, "Do you think I could use the tag on this belt for the missing tag on this belt?" He checks to see there isn't a match lurking in the depths of the belt rack and says, "Sure. Just go to customer service and tell them Tony said it was okay." All is solved you think. Well, you would be wrong.

So pleased am I that things are going so well. I make another lap on my way to customer service and pick up a pair of pants for the hubby. I go to the customer service counter and explain it all to the guy at the cash register. There is some confusion, "So, do these belts come together or what?" Ah, ha, ha, ha (still able to find humor in things). "No, hee, hee, I just want the black one." He starts to ring it up and like a flash, some girl comes over and says "No, No, No! This belt comes with a shirt. You have to buy the shirt it comes with." And I say, but "I found it in belts." She says, "I'll get someone to help you." She makes an intercom request, hangs up, and leaves for lunch. After a few minutes a girl comes over, we explain what's going on...found belt in belts, but comes with shirt, have to find shirt. We go over to belts. Poor completely clueless Tony says, "Oh yeah! I told her she could use the price for the silver one for the black one." Helper girls says, "Ms. Harris says there's a top that goes with it." "Well, I don't know about that." says clueless but nice Tony.

Off we go. Now hold on, we're just getting started. We go to the Will Smith collection because she thinks it came from there. This is confirmed by another worker who says, "Yeah, it's from a silky white shirt. I think it's in clearance now." Off to clearance. We dig and dig. Helper girl is getting anxious. She runs away. Yells something from across the store about someone else will help me because she only works in jewelry. New helper girl is digging around in Casual Sportswear..still no shirt. We go back to customer service, new helper girl recounts the whole story to another lady, who says ask Rebecca. Rebecca is paged. She is familiar with the controversial belt...apparently the story is getting around with the workers. She says, "Ms. Harris says it goes with a shirt. So, we have to leave this up to management to make a decision." I say, "Can I just buy any shirt and throw the belt in." New helper girl says, "I know the shirt, it's $16.99..yellow cotton." (hold on, i thought it was silky white) I say, "Fine, I'll pay $16.99." Some other lady gets on the intercom and asks for June (apparently the manager while Ms. Harris is at lunch) to call customer service. Everyone leaves, except for me and the intercom worker. After sitting around for a while and letting others do their exchanges and returns. She pages June again. Nothing. I say, "You know, if I weren't an honest person, I could stuff this belt down my pants and walk out of here. There isn't a sensor or anything. This is worse than a government agency." She says, "You know, you're right. (ding, light bulb moment) I can do this. I can do this." She ends up giving me a tag for $7 for the belt.

I go wait in line, since I have other things to buy and others are waiting to exchange and return she can't help me. I get to register 6 and start in about my belt story. Apparently she has heard about it already. She says, "Girl, you shoulda just put it round your waist and walked outta here." I said, "Oh, yeah, I accessorize my work out gear all the time." She said, "They wouldn'ta blinked an eye." God Bless her. After all that, it probably won't even fit my ass.

Forget Mondays--Tuesdays are from Hell!

"EEEwwww, what a mess!!" Followed by, "Khaki's poo-poo!"

This is how I woke up this morning.

And yes! There it is, two very large piles on my dining room rug (thankfully it was an outdoor rug and cheap). Then, I glance to the left and yippee!! another humongous pile under the window. MMMM...nice. Sweet little Hays gets paper towels to "help". I'm both pleased and terrified.

After getting everything cleaned up, hands washed and dog banished, tell tale signs of a decimated taco (wrapper included) are discovered in the den. uuuuugggghhhh! Taco Bell + dog= disaster.

Anywho, everyone had finished breakfast and it's time to get dressed. Jack's no problem, Madden's just starting to realize what's going on and Hays ran to her room to put on her Arial skirt and green crocs. No school uniform for her! After 5 minutes of screaming, Tom and I managed to get her tennis shoes and uniform on her. She promptly kicked everything off. sigh. More screaming, more bargaining (No DS for you Hays!), more kicking. So, I just got Tom to throw her in the car...half dressed. By the time I got out there with Madden, she appeared to have realized she had lost the battle and she was going to school...By GAAAHHHHDDDD!

Madden went into class with no drama. Hays put on a nice show for me as I was leaving...and I was having none of it.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the day brings. Right now, I'm having a soy chai latte. Because I've earned it.

Idea

My children are anarchists. Everyday, they manage to destroy something of mine. A closet, a knob off my dresser, extension cords (the dog). A little...reminder, shall we say, that nothing I own is sacred.

With this in mind, I have begun a new list on my blog titled, "What Have They Destroyed Today?!". This way I can keep a running tally of the damage, lest I forget. One day I'll dust off my list and present it to my children when they have kids. Laughing maniacally!



I just love karma.

Observations--Haiku style

#1

Jogger Man running all day
So thin, So tan
Stop! You make me tired

#2

Sleeping soundly every weekday morning
You burrow in your blankets, I drag you out
Why do you wake early on weekends?

#3

Peonies bobbing in the wind
Petals peaking through tight green bonnets
Revelling in your chastity